Let's get some learnin' on while we wait!

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While we're waiting... Here are some frequently asked questions about adopting from Ethiopia, followed by some adoption "do's and don'ts."

Frequently asked questions

Why Ethiopia?

Simply put – Ethiopia is where our child is! Every country has a unique way of approaching adoption-different timelines, costs, travel requirements, etc. On a practical level, the adoption process from Ethiopia is among the most accessible. But, more importantly, Ethiopia is a beautiful country with a rich and proud culture and history. The people value their children immensely, so the children are treated very well in the care centers before adoption. This helps facilitate an easier transition into an adoptive family. And, after doing much research, we found Ethiopia to suit us best.


Why are so many children available for adoption in Ethiopia?

Ethiopian children are placed for adoption for many reasons. As a result of years of civil war, famine and disease, literally millions of children have lost their parents. They end up either in orphanages or living on the streets. Also, some children are placed for adoption because the family can’t afford to care for one more child. Whatever the reason, it is important to know that Ethiopians view adoption as “loaning” their children to us. They believe it takes a village to raise a child and we are part of that village. It is never an easy decision to place a child for adoption – these are not “unwanted” children by any means. These are simply children whose birth families wanted a better life for their children and are “loaning” them to us to help provide that better life.

Adoption is NOT about “rescuing” these children – it’s about parenting them.


Aren’t you concerned about the race issues?

Of course! Race is still a major issue in our country and the first thing anybody adopting transracially (cross-culturally) needs to do is accept that and find ways to raise the child in a supportive environment. We will do our best to learn about race and ethnicity issues and how to deal with problems that may arise. We will also do everything in our power to help our child feel proud and comfortable about being Ethiopian.


What is a referral?

The referral includes ALL information the agency has on our child – there may be pieces of information missing but it is all the information known about our child. There will also be a picture of our child.


Will you share all the referral information with us?

We will definitely share some things, but don’t expect us to share everything. This is very private information and it belongs to our child. This can be difficult for some people to fully understand, but families talk amongst themselves and it could be very embarrassing for a child to hear from a family member that she was a product of rape or that her birth mother was a beggar or a birth father died of AIDS (this type of information is included in the referral). It could be especially devastating if a child learns such information for the first time from a family member. Our child will know her full story when she is older.


Can I hold your baby right away? Can I help feed your baby?

Probably for a short amount of time. Our baby has been in many hands and she needs to know that we are her primary caregivers and parents. By being passed from person to person, our baby will become more confused. Because of this, we will be the only ones feeding our baby until she has established a bond with us (this could take several months if not longer).


Please don't ask/say:

How much does it cost?

• Please don’t ask this unless you’re truly interested in adopting
• It makes us feel like you’re asking the price of something as trivial as a new sweater – the adoption process isn’t trivial and neither is our child

Why not adopt from China (or some other country)?

• We’ve already chosen to adopt from Ethiopia and are thrilled with our decision.
• Asking this question implies you’re not OK with our decision

Why are you adopting when you have your own children?

• Our adopted child IS our own child.
• Adopting is right for our family.

Don’t make comments saying how “lucky” the child is or about us “rescuing” our child.

• We’re adopting because we want to PARENT a child – NOT rescue it
• We are the “lucky” ones -- we get to parent a beautiful child!

Don’t use terms such as “real mother” or “children of your own”

• Use terms that affirm the value of both her birth parents and adoptive parents
• I am her real mother
• She is my own child

If there are known birth family members please don’t ask why they “gave up” our child, and don’t speak disparagingly of the parents with comments such as “I just can’t imagine how anyone could give up a child.”:

• Never use the term “give up” when it comes to adoption – children aren’t “given up.” An adoption plan is made for them
• Our child’s birth parents are an important part of who she is, and we plan to foster love and respect for them.
• Please remember this is not our information to share – it is our child’s personal, private information and our child can share it if/when she chooses.

Please DO say/ask:

Do ask questions about the adoption process, expectations and fears.

Do feel comfortable about expressing your own fears and concerns, but realize that adoption is a very personal decision – maybe not one you would have made for yourself but one we have come to after much research, deliberation and soul-searching.

Do embrace the differences our child brings to our family.

Do speak positively about our child’s culture/heritage.

Do treat us the same way you’d treat people expecting a biological child – with excitement, tenderness and even a bit of pampering!