Gracie moments

Insights

(while taking Fred for a walk with Randy)
"Do you think Fred is sad because he doesn't have any butt cheeks?"

Words spoken in rage

"Your teeth are NOT SPARKLY!"

G: "Abby called me a bad word!"
Me: "What was it?"
G (furious): "She called me 'young lady'!"

Abby-isms

Older stories about our Miss Abigail

Oct. 2000
Abby started having a tantrum about her diaper when we were in the car. When we finally stopped to change her, Randy found Ethan’s little green plastic Martian in her diaper. There was a perfect, red, painful-looking Martian imprint on her tummy from it. Randy said, "Abby, what's this person doing in your diaper?" She said angrily through her tears, "I put him there so he could hide from you."

May 2001
Jules: “You need to get dressed… No sweetie, take your other underpants off before you put the new ones on.”
Abby: “They’re too tight! They don’t fit.”
Jules: “You’ve got both legs in the same… First you need to take your other underpants off anyway.”
Abby: I can’t put them on, I don’t know which way they go!”
Jules: “The flower goes in the front.”
Abby, dramatically: “I can’t get dressed, I’m too tired. I have an owie on my finger.”
Jules: “We need to get dressed because we’re going outside.”
Abby: “I don’t want to go outside, it’s too shiny.”
Jules: “Go ahead and put your underwear on. I’ll lay them on the floor.”
Abby: “They’re too sideways now. They’re inside out.”
Jules: “No they’re not, that’s the right way.”
Abby: “They’re too wrinkly. They’re crumply.” She flops down.

Dec. 2001
In the car
Ethan: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all…”
Abby: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT!”
Ethan: “…oh what fun it is to ride…”
Abby: “NO! Stop singing!”
(Ethan stops singing)
Abby: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…”
Ethan: Hey, I can sing without moving my mouth at all!”
Abby: “Do it.”
(Ethan is silent for about 20 seconds)
Ethan: “See? I can sing it just in my head!”
Abby: (impressed, eagerly leans toward him) “Do it again!”

May 2002
There was a new kid in Abby's Ball Skills class today, Oscar. When we got home she said, "Mom, there was a new boy in my class named Whiskers!"

Jan. 2003
(The Licker)

J: "Abby, don't lick the window."

J: "Abby, don't lick the van."

J: "Abby, please don't lick the conveyor belt" (at Target).

J: "Abby don't put your tongue on the glass" (at the YMCA).

The other day she was licking the hutch and I said, exasperated, "Sweetie why do you lick everything?"

Abby, simply: "Because everything tastes so delicious!"

Heaven and other religious facts

Observations made by our deep thinkers when they were little

Nov. 2000
Ethan: "Do we go to heaven when we die?"
Jules: “Yes.”
Ethan: “Well, what do we DO there?”
Jules: “I don’t exactly know bud, I’ve never been there.”
Ethan: “Well I just hope we don’t have to just STAND AROUND there. That’ll be boring.”
(I should’ve told him there was a Job Jar for mopey people).

Oct. 2001
Abby: “Do babies go to heaven?”
Jules: “Sometimes.”
Abby: “Well, what do they do there?”
Ethan, authoritatively: “They just LAY there!”
Abby: “Well what does it look like?”
Ethan, with certainty and slight weariness: “Just like the inside of a cloud is all.”

Dec. 2001
Ethan: "How do we GET to heaven?"
Jules: "I don't know for sure, bud. Some people think that an angel comes down and takes us."
Ethan: "Well, what if a person is too heavy for the angel to carry?"
Jules: "When we die only a part of us called our soul goes to heaven. Our body stays here."
Ethan, incredulous: "Our body stays here?"
Jules: "Yes."
Ethan: "Our body stays here?"
Jules: "Yes, our body stays here."
Ethan: "But they take our HEAD though?"

Dec. 2001
Abby: “Christmas isn’t just about the presents, y’know. It’s about SANTA coming, too.”

Stories about Ethan and/or nudity

Funny stories about The Boy when he was a little younger
December 2001
Jules: “Ethan! Go in the house and put some pants on!”
Ethan: (exasperated) “Mom I DO have pants on.” (Looks down). “Oh! I guess I don’t!”

Apr. 2001
Ethan has been practicing flying:
“Mom! Do you want to come downstairs and see what I've been working on? It’s FLUTTERING. I jump off the edge of the chair, and I flap my arms really fast. Then I’m fluttering in the air for like five or six seconds! I’m getting really good.”
He runs down the hall and bursts into the bathroom:
“Hey Abby I have a new way of flying! You don’t have to try it but I want you to come see me!”
Abby, exasperated: “Ethan I am pooping!”
E: “But I’m FLUTTERING!”

March 2002
Ethan, very solemnly: “I heard some kids saying a very bad thing on the bus.” Immediately our minds jump to bullying, racial slurs, sexual harassment…
Ethan: “I did NOT join in.”
We gently ask: “What was it the kids were saying?”
Ethan, reluctantly: “Well, they were saying, ‘Kids rule parents drool!’”

June 2003
Randy, Ethan and Abby are playing with the hose. Randy sprays Ethan. Ethan laughs, “Hey, you got me in the wiener!”
“What’s a wiener?” Abby wants to know.
Ethan explains: “It’s a penis.” Then adds, “We have wieners for lunch at school sometimes.”